Christy from Behind the Jersey left a message on VancouverCanucksOpEd (did you follow that) which got me ranting a bit. Before I posted my comment there, I decided to use my own soapbox, rather than clog up VCOE’s comment section. Full credit to both of them for the inspiration on this one. (Read how it all started here)

Christy wrote:

It’s because ESPN is changing how people view sports. I just don’t get how poker, spelling bees, etc do better on ESPN than hockey – it’s just sad. And it pisses me off when people say poker is a sport or billiards.

Here’s the deal (a lot of what follows is pure speculation, and has no real hard numbers to back it up. I do not have that kind of access. Work with me here):

Spelling bees, poker, darts, eating (did you know they have their own federation?), billiards, the key component to all of these is that they come cheap. They cost little or nothing to get the rights to, and are very cheap to produce. A few cameras, a minimal crew, many broadcasts don’t go out live, so you can edit later, all of that adds up to huge savings. Compare that to the high price of broadcasting hockey, and the limited ability to place commercials. Hockey has too many commercial breaks for all of us, but not for the broadcaster. Look at MLB, and all the commercial breaks they have, and nobody minds watching, because that’s the pace of baseball.

What about the ratings? Sure, poker, eating, all that. They get some numbers, but that’s for now. I truly believe those numbers will plummet, especially when people understand the formula of these shows. For instance, if someone in poker goes “all in” with five minutes left in the hour, they lose. It’s really predictable, which hockey isn’t. It can’t be molded by ESPN. It just happens, and then ends. Most of this ESPN programming is circus. And after a while, it gets boring.

I want to pour my support behind OLN (I refuse to call them Versus, and would have hoped they’d come to their senses by now). They vastly improved the quality of the broadcast, hired some decent people (Eddie O. is a favorite, now they should hire Cammi Granato), the camera operators got better, and provided programming beyond the game, which ESPN does not have the time, space, or caring to do. OLN also started to be less of a pain about broadcasting into markets like New York on certain providers (DISH?). They seemed to get their s#!+ together, and look to only improve. If hockey has a lot of “small market” teams (something I’ll get into one day), OLN is the right size for that. They also have the room to expand on hockey. Classic games (if they can get the rights), original programs, Slapshot late at night once a month. OLN does seem to care.

ESPN is no longer the place for the NHL. ESPN continued to squeeze hockey around the NBA as they got more popular, and things would be even worse with MNF. The NHL needed somebody to bring hockey back to the fans, before bringing it back to the masses. ESPN can’t do that. They may have College hockey (do they have it again next year) on ESPNU, but that is a little different, for a different market.

All ESPN has to offer is distribution. As the 2003-04 season proved, that did not equate to a large audience. But is it that America didn’t care about hockey? Or ESPN not caring about hockey? I don’t tolerate the America doesn’t care argument, and will rant at another time about that, too. For instance, the WJC held in North Dakota a few years ago, mid lockout, and there was virtually no promotion on ESPN about it. The only hockey going all season, and it got neglected. That wasn’t “America,” that was ESPN.

ESPN has bought the rights for MLS soccer (26 games on Thursday nights, 3 playoff games). This is the first time ESPN will pay for MLS. This is all about capitalizing on the World Cup.

Oh, by the way, don’t be too surprised if the Monday Night Football was in the plans long before the lockout, or the Bettman greed.

If you want any insight into what happened to ESPN, and how they operate under the Disney Corp., check out “Disney War,” by James B. Stewart. It’s thick, but a page turned. What happened to ESPN management is just amazing.

Like I said, most of that is just a rant. I don’t have numbers, nor a ton of insight (maybe a little). You are more than welcome to disagree. Maybe you know something I don’t (and, yes, I know there are probably some hard feelings both ways). But next time you see poker, or one of these type of shows, take a look at how easy it is to do. And how cheap. And think of how easy it was to let hockey take a walk.

Wow, that was a rant. I feel a little better, now. Back to the jocularity tomorrow.

There hasn’t been much hockey news of interest for the moment. I’ve been sitting around the apartment waiting for something to happen, just trading barbs around the web. If you are stuck for some entertainment, give these a shot:

Ingmar Bergman Shoots… And Scores! talks about why Swedes are Evil. Funny as hell. Then click around for some good hockey-related photoshopping.

American Hockey Fan is the funniest hockey blog out there, bar none. Go there and read some great stuff. Click around the archives, read some more. You won’t be disappointed.

Kukla’s Korner has all the hockey news you need, and has added some outside bloggers to the site. There’s a really good post about the new CBA, and the ramifications for teams trying to keep a roster around.

Reality Check has a list of hockey quotes. Take a look.

Zanstorm has some drunken ramblings about the Florida Panthers and the playoffs. You can skip the first ten, but tune in for the second. This is what Capt. Morgan’s does to a man.

There’s lots of other good stuff out there. Some of it is even hockey related, like Bergman’s salary analysis, or Sidearm Delivery talking about Russian hockey players. But for the most part, things are seeming a little snarky, and I enjoy snarky.

As ever, click around, get some flavor. When the season starts, there’s going to be a barrage of posts. Get in early, so you can say you knew them back in the day. Which Dane Cook says was a Wednesday. Go figure.

At the start of the 2003-04 season, I was working in St. Louis for 9 weeks, with a theater schedule that gave me most weekdays off. The Blues were holding training camp at the Savvis Center, with practice and scrimmages open to the public. They provided schedules, “rosters,” and free bubble hockey. Life was good.

Training camp gave me more insight to the team, and certainly into who was waiting in the wings. You can read the names, look at the stats, but seeing the players skate gives you a much better understanding of the makeup of things. We were picking out some of out favorites (Sejna, Beckford-Tseu), figuring out who would make it, and picking abstract colors to win the scrimmages (if I picked the yellow jerseys, the girlfriend would pick white). It was fun, it was free, and it gave me a better appreciation of the Blues. When I saw the Worcester IceCats that year, and Colin Hemingway signed my puck, I knew who he was, and was more excited about it than if he were just some name in a book.

The point is: Which teams are doing this? Who has open training camps? I always seem to find out about these things when it’s too late. If you know of any, put it down in the comments, would you?

Pictures from the training camp are after the jump

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Mmmmmm….Burrito…..

Today,VancouverCanucksOpEd pokes fun of the Avalanche’s Chipotle blimp flying around the rink. Before reading on, I really suggest you go over there right now, and take a quick read of the post. Just like you’d expect from Canuck’s fans, it has big pictures, and mostly small words. I’ll wait while you read.

Back so soon?

Of course, upon seeing this, I had to go right out and support my Avalanche by eating a burrito. A very tasty one, with chicken and salsa, garnished with a little Smoked Tabasco sauce. Very satisfying. I could almost taste the consecutive sellout streak, or even a Joe Sakic wrist shot. Made me proud to be an Avs fan.

What disturbs me is the apparent promotion of whale consumption by the Canucks. The Avs put a finely wrapped burrito in the air, and I get hungry for burritos. Simple, easy, connect the dots stuff, right? The Canucks put a whale in the air, and what happens? Fans get hungry for whale. But look at that whale. There is no indication of where to go to get said whale. Is Robert Luongo bringing a chain of whale fast food joints to Vancouver? Probably not. So, to help support the team, what is your average fan to do? Get on a boat and hunt the whale down themselves? Not very practical. You don’t want your fans leaving the arena in the middle of the game, because some blimp flew by and now they hunger for whale. Is that really the time to find a boat that will take you whale hunting? And then what are they going to do? Eat a whole whale? I can eat a whole burrito (in fact, I just did). Are there whale sandwiches being sold in the arena? We don’t have whale burritos here.

What happens when Fin, the Canucks mascot walks by, after that whale ha been flying by all intermission. I’ll tell you, he’s gonna lose a leg (since when do whales have legs?). It’s going to be like Dawn of the Dead for whale mascots. And who pays the price? The fans. Always the fans. Suddenly, Fin needs a security detail, maybe a Plexiglas encased car like the Pope has. Now, it’s suddenly become a very dangerous job. And the insurance, don’t get me started on the insurance. Why do you want to eat the mascot, Canucks fans? Wouldn’t a nice, tasty burrito be so much better?

To VCOE, I extend the olive branch. I know you don’t understand our desire to eat burritos (in my time in Canada, it was near impossible to find a burrito, maybe because burritos = Avs). That’s OK. If you ever come to Colorado, I’ll take you out for one. But it would probably help if you free Willy.

PS: What about the floating octopus in Detroit. Ick.

Tale of One City, or Tale of Two Jerseys, Part Two:

So this is the Cincinnati Mighty Ducks (you think so, Tapeleg? It only says right there), the cross town competition to the Cincinnati Cyclones. That’s right, Cincinnati supported two different minor league hockey teams. Cleveland couldn’t even support one. Ha! Take that, Cleveland! But, of course, support dwindled, the Clones folded, and then, the next year, the Anaheim Mighty Ducks took their toys to Portland, Maine, to go play with the Pirates and Comedian Bob Marley. Sure, Anaheim…Portland… Sure, that makes sense. The jersey you see here was from that final season.

Look at that duck. Look at him. I know you want to look away, as he strikes hockey fear into your fragile heart, but you have to look. That is one tough duck. Did you know ducks could get black eyes? No, because you have never punched a duck. Not in the face, at least. But this duck, he has seen it all. He’s seen into the souls of the hockey players around him, and he knows what makes men tough. This is one rough and tumble duck, sometimes using two sticks to get his point across. He will look at you, the deep hard look. Then he will look some more He will ask you, “Do you want to go?” But you don’t speak duck, so yo don’t know what he said. But, in your heart, you know. You know he is ready to go, any time, any place. That is one tough duck.

Holmqvist? Doesn’t he play for Chicago? Yes, he does, traded to the Hawks last season. Mikael Holmqvist was the Ducks first round pick in 1997. He played in Europe for a long time before playing in the US. His first year in the states, he made it to the NHL. Not bad. But I don’t know much about the story here, and some of the details lead me to believe there is a story. Like why did he play in Europe for 7 years before playing for the Ducks? Why was a number one pick traded after two years (one being the lockout) with the organization?

I don’t know. Maybe Earl Sleek at Battle of California can help a little. All I know is, I have his jersey. I get one question overall about this game-worn jersey. “Aren’t the Mighty Ducks in California?” Yes. Yes, they are.

Update: I’m an idiot. That’s not really an update, but a continuation. Apparently, my small brain can not handle two Cincinnati jerseys on the same blog, so I screwed up with the title of this post. I corrected it, so if you get two posts, of something strange with links, I am very sorry. I call myself on the carpet, and will be kicking my @$$ later.

But which style?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! HAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAH!!!!

You can make your own, too. Just to NHL dot com, go to the shop, pick a jersey, punch in what you want,and you can see a preview.
So if you are from Sweden, you might get this:

Or if you want a New Jersey Devils jersey, you might enjoy this:

Alas, you can not get a Red Wings jersey that says “SUCK.” Not because it isn’t true, but because it’s language deemed inappropriate.
I decided to head people off at the pass with that one.

A real jersey goes up tomorrow. Am I posting too much? I don’t care, I have a lot to post right now.

Finally, some hockey news from the Avs. Just not the news I wanted.

From the Colorado Avalanche website:

DENVER – The Colorado Avalanche Hockey Club announced that it signed center
Brett McLean to a one-year deal late Thursday night avoiding an arbitration
hearing that was scheduled for Friday.

Of course this tickles my worry meter. Money for McLean means less money for Svatos. I expect him to sign elsewhere soon, unless there is some sort of incentive magic to be worked out (ala HAsek and the Wings). I haven’t seen the numbers for McLean yet, but after throwing dumb money at Arnason, Rycroft, Klee, and others, what is left for the Avs to do?

Someone find me some cap space. Trade Brisebois or Turgeon, have a bake sale, do something. McLean is not worth Svatos, Sauer is not worth Svatos…

If Svatos can hack out an entire season. I talked about it here. Wait for the Wings fans to start laughing at us shortly, but don’t take it personally. They’ve had a rough off season too.

I have been tagged in the early rounds by Christy at Behind The Jersey (started by Mike Chen here), and as stupid as this may sound, I’m honored. BtJ is a really good blog, and even though it’s about the Red Wings, you should be reading it. I’ve been tagged early, even though I’m new to all this, and I’m an “evil Avalanche fan.” Hey, we’re all evil, we love hockey.

My five things:

1) I am a USA Hockey referee.
That’s right. Go ahead, catch your breath. OK? I got my certification last year, but still haven’t worked my first game. There are lots of reasons I haven’t, including the fact that I still haven’t bought a ref’s jersey, but there you go. If you find a slight bias about the refs on this site, you can blame that. Some say if you can’t play, you ref, and I probably fit that. I just started playing a few years ago, and I suck, so I’m OK with that description. I like the idea of being involved with the game at ice level, and this is an appealing way. Now stop laughing.
(I still think Mick MaGoo has no place in the NHL)

2) I broke both my arms in a scooter accident last year.
That probably wasn’t what you were expecting. Well, what can I say. It happened, and was a pretty significant event. I have two plates in my left arm, and one in my right. If it wasn’t for my helmet, I wouldn’t be here today. I crashed into the back of a smaller car, went through my windshield, his rear window, then delivered the quote of the year:
“What do you suppose just happened?”
For what it’s worth, I’m fine, but I have no slapshot, and am weary of trying. If you are lucky, I’ll post pictures of the scars, but for now, this is what the scooter looked like afterwards.

3) I used to have lots of hair.
See that picture in the top right corner of the blog? I’m the one on the right. The one without the hair. My hair used to be big, messy, and unkempt. If I had my way, I would have all the evidence destroyed.

4) I work in musical theatre.
For the last several years, I’ve been touring the country, working as crew for Broadway musicals. I’ve been through most of the US, as well as Toronto (6 months in 1998) and Montreal (2 weeks in 1999). At work, I usually wear a hockey jersey.

5) I didn’t see my first live hockey game until 2003
That was Buffalo @ Atlanta, which went to overtime, and triggered some repressed memories of watching Gretzky win a cup on TV when I was younger. I haven’t been the same since.

This is fun. I get to tag American Hockey Fan (both of them), Wild Puck Banter (first person to post a comment on my blog), Army of Ohio, and Zanstorm @ Waiting for Stanley

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I’m here for the conversation. And I think it takes two things to have that conversation, hockey and personality. This is all about personality. So, in the next few days, I’ll put a list of “5 weird things” posts up here. Get to know about the people you read.

And quit staring at me like that. It’s just 5 things. You don’t know the rest.

Who should be attributed with that quote? ME!!!!

During the 2003-04 playoffs, Avs vs. Stars, Marty Turco faltered a little, and waiting in the wings was Ron Tugnutt. I didn’t think too much of Tugs, and as the game went on, and the Avs kept dumping the puck behind the net, which Marty could handle easily, I would shout out, “Tugnutt! Bring me the head of Ron Tugnutt!!!”

Flash forward to a few days ago, when my girlfriend was visiting. She had purchased from ebay a massive stack of Avalanche and Nordiques hockey cards. There were some cool items in there, like a few rookie cards, and some real nostalgia. The best, for me, were these:

Oh, yes, Tugnutt. I own you.

I know he is regarded as a god in Columbus, and made a long career as an NHL goalie, and that he used to play for the Nordiques (duh). But it’s Ron Tugnutt, least feared goalie. I’d feel bad for him, but I don’t.

God bless you, Tugnutt, wherever you are.

This is a Tale of One City, or a Tale of Two Jerseys, Part One:

Making a comeback this year are the Cincinnati Cyclones. The Clones went away a few years ago, after being taken over by the owners of the arena. Part of the problem was the competition by the Cincinnati Mighty Ducks, who played in the older rink across town.. After dwindling attendance, the Clones took a hiatus, which looked to be permanent. But after the CinDucks went away (Anaheim changed affiliates), and the potential revival of the AHL failed (Cincinnati RailRaiders? Yeah, right. “Lets go RailRaiders” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue), the Clones decided the time is now. Next season, they make their return to the ECHL, stranding Cincinnati with only one hockeyless year.

Stork. What a great name. Dean Stork. Stork is pretty much a mainstay of the ECHL. He took a mid season eye injury last season, but came back. For a d-man, his numbers are OK, but had a minus 15 last year. Why Stork? Because I could get it. This one came from Meigray, and I really like this jersey. Notice the lace in front has been replaced with a skate lace. The original lace was lost in the wash, so the entire jersey is not game-worn. But I like the look of the skate lace, I did it to another jersey (UHL 2005 AllStar).

The shoulder patches have a small story. On most of the Cyclones jerseys I’ve seen, there is one design or the other on the shoulders, not both. The one on the right is an update of the old Cyclones jersey design, which had the Jason Friday the 13th hockey mask on a similar pose. That was back in the IHL days for the Cyclones. Somewhere, I have the worst of beater jerseys with that old logo as an iron-on in front. This jersey, on the other hand, is a favorite.

News Flash: Dean Stork was just named Assistant Coach for the Cyclones. I can’t wait to go back and see them now.