Hockey loves stats. Hockey fans love stats. If you go to the stats blogs, you can see how much they love to create stats. These usually come into being by painstaking translation by an amateur statistision. They punch numbers into spreadsheets, do complex math and learn something nobody else noticed. I enjoy stats, but don’t feel I get enough of the right ones. These are some of the stats that I would like to see, to describe the game inside the game, and just for the sheer hell of it
SOC: Shots On Corner
CTR: Complaints to the Referee
CTL: Complaints to the Linesman
CTM: Crying to Mommy
SW: Whiffed shots
SIH: Scarlett Ice Hotness (How hot Sherry at Scarlett Ice thinks a player is)
PWM: Proving why a player should be in the minors.
BS: Broken Stick, but you can make it what you think it should be
PFT: Penalty Face Touch. Number of times a player touches his face after a penalty is committed on them, to see if they are bleeding. The first on is free for the Florida Panthers.
PPF: Punches thrown per fight
PLF: Punches that actually connected (landed). These two can be combined for a PPLF%
PSN: Push Shove Nothing. Number of times players congregate to air the bad feelings, and then just skate away.
FSP: Penalties where you feel shame, that is, you did it, it was stupid, and you know it.
HTTO: Had to think about that one. Moments when a player is given a choice and has to ponder the plays, before making the play. Usually ends in failure, but a % could be applied if necessary.
AYF: Are you Forgiven? Plays that ended in failure, but worked out in the end, or didn’t have enough impact on the game to be worth mentioning at the end of the day.
MZD: Made Zanstorm Drink. Number of times a player makes Zanstorm of Waiting For Stanley take a pull of the Captain Morgans. This stat needs weighting for the Leafs players.
GAR: Get A Room, players coming together for a manly embrace, and it all goes wrong.
That’s a start. More is better, right?