Coyotes Mock Auction

Sure, the NHL is fighting the epic battle of Goliath vs. Poorly Run Goliath today in court, and Gary Bettman is on the stand (where he has to tell the truth, so that should be fun). All eyes will be on the courts in Arizona.

But there is another court in session today, with the bidding for the Coyotes already taking place. The twitter mock draft is currently taking place, with the bids coming in fast and furious.

@ryanclassic and @OdinMercer have submitted a bid of one turkey sandwich and a pudding cup to keep the team in Glendale

The KYLE WELLWOOD EXPERIENCE has placed a bid of one Tim Horton’s gift card, valued at $40. I’m not sure where the money is coming from for that.

@voteforgrant has submitted a bid of $27.50 in cash (CDN) and a 30 pack of Molson.

@scottywazz has a bid of “a buck-three-eighty, some poutine, and the rights to the RTB bio-pic.” His east coast charm was not part of the bid.

@bzarcher has a bid that sounds like he mugged a Blues Brother. “one timex digital watch, one unused prophylactic, one black suit jacket, one hat, $23.07, and one pair sunglasses.”

Oh, and I’m the presiding judge in the MOCK case. Will my head explode? Will I go mad with power? Only one way to find out.


If you want to get involved in the fun, go on twitter and use the hashtag #yotesale. The presiding judge’s twitter is @Tapeleg All bids submitted to the court between 8:00 AM and 5:00 PM Pacific will be considered, with a ruling at 5:30 PM Pacific.

Good luck, and happy hunting.

UPDATE: More bids are coming in from all corners of the hockey world.

@Yotesgurl submitted her first born child and her right arm. No word yet on if the child is a defenseman.

@Lighthousehocky bid one Rick DiPietro contract. It doesn’t look good for the future of hockey.

@shellieshel entered “2 nights stay in a fab Park Hill home, unlimited doggie cuddle, 1 bag of Craisins, a photo op w/me & open 12 pk of PBR”  Ulterior motives seem likely.

@dchesnokov put in a bid of One Russian Ruble. The exchange rate doesn’t favor his bid.

@BluelandOutsidr added a bid of one dollar. This may not be The Price is Right, but he does have one good point. In his relocation filing, he states Atlanta as the new home of the Coyotes: “We feel Atlanta is a market that deserves an NHL team.” Buddy, you ain’t alone.

Schedule of the proceedings (all times pacific):

1:00 PM – Relocation fee debate

3:00 – 4:00 PM: Open cross examination by counsel. Keep it civil, and use the hashtag to be entered into the record.

4:30 PM: Closing arguments

5:30 PM: Judgement rendered

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  1. felix emesis says:

    my bid is as follows: 2 bottles of tang, 1 half eaten poptart, $8.00 in assorted change,and whatever that thing is in the fridge that may be left from xmas

  2. @felix – Can you submit that on twitter? Yikes.

  3. YzermanZetterberg says:

    In the true spirit of the NHL league office, shady relocations, and mock auctions everywhere, I hereby bid the following — which I certify are pretty much owned by me:

    – A box of broken crayons I keep in my desk for those rare occasions when my 3-year old visits me at work (don’t worry, I’ll get her a new box…I promise)

    – A large cloth-like banner of Marian Hossa in his Red Wings uniform that I received free at a game last season

    If I should be (un)fortunate enough to win, the team will play its home games on the outdoor rink the local Parks & Rec department usually puts in my neighborhood (all games between late Dec. and early March, weather permitting). Obviously, we’ll have to play through the Olympic break. Since few, if any ‘yotes will make their respective countries’ Olympic teams, this should not present any insurmountable obstacles.

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