I have nothing but sadness over today’s plane crash that claimed the lives of the Yaroslavl Lokomotiv team. Two former Avalanche players were on that plane, along with other former NHL players. There is much better coverage of this tragedy elsewhere.
I was wearing the last practice jersey Karlis Skrastins wore with the Avalanche yesterday. It’s an honor to have it.
When we look at the death of a celebrity, of someone we don’t know but know of, we don’t look at their life so much as we look at ourselves. We measure the choices they made and the small sliver of their lives we know about in comparison to ours. We take the few things we guess about what it must be like to be them, and toss out the hard choices and experiences they had to endure to get to that place.
Derek Boogaard was the one that hit me the most. I didn’t know much about Rick Rypien, other than what I had read. But Boogaard was a guy I loved to watch, the few minutes he was on the ice. There was something about him that seemed so fun, but at the same time so real. He didn’t look or act like a character on the ice. He looked like someone who was having fun, even if it meant dominating someone in a fight.
And then, Wade Belak. At first, it was just another weird circumstance. But then, I saw this tweet (which I hope isn’t true):
We see in the stars, the celebrities, the people we cheer for and boo at, something about ourselves. We see a grander reflection when we watch the shining stars, or we see how we want to be. We condemn the villains, and ask how they could ever behave the way they do, because we would never do that.
And in the tragedy, in the people we see fall too soon, the ones who cause their own demise, we see ourselves as well. Perhaps even more clearly.
Depression is difficult. It’s difficult because you don’t see a way out of it when you are in it. You don’t feel like there is any solution. You feel like you should be able to take care of it on your own. Those times when you look around at your peers, your friends, and you wonder why you can’t pull it together. Even if you recognize it for what it is, depression never seems that unbeatable, until you can’t take it anymore. That is the most insidious part of depression, the part that makes you think it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, at the same time that it has it’s claws in you.
I’ve dealt with it. I still deal with it from time to time. I wonder what is wrong with me, why I’m so mad, or sad, or disconnected from the world. Those times you don’t see a way out, and you don’t know what to do next. When you see the happy people around you and wonder why you can’t connect with that same feeling. Or you don’t know why you’re here. At all.
I remember sitting on the corner of my bed when I was a teenager, with a knife in my hand. I was crying, because I didn’t know if I could take another day of the loneliness, or the anger, or the pain. I didn’t know if I could keep going. No one knew, and until now, no one ever knew. I sat there with that knife more than once. I looked at my wrists and said to myself, ‘do it.’ For some reason, I didn’t do it. Somehow, I went on another day, and then another. I don’t know why, but I did. And somehow, I made it this far.
Imagine how it is for an adult. You want to do things with your life, have a relationship, be with friends, do good work. Show your weakness, and you will never be looked at the same. Everyone will wonder when you will break. Some people will try to make it happen sooner. Some people are just like that. People with depression don’t want to be treated different, they want the tools to deal with how they feel. They don’t want sympathy, they want a solution.
Depression is easy to hide, but it’s also easy to ignore. It looks like a lot of things. Anger, loneliness, fear, even happiness. Yeah, we put a smile on our face to show that we aren’t weak, that we aren’t sad. People who are depressed hide it all the time. I hid mine for years, and I still do. I keep it from my co-workers, my friends and my family. I keep it locked away, and wait for the tool to surface that will some day make it all seem like it was worth it, that will let me walk away from it. I keep it away from the people closest to me. I try to keep it away from everyone. I’ve become an expert at hiding it.
I remember how people used to say – and maybe they still do – that suicide is the coward’s way out. There is no cowardice in those people. It took unbelievable strength to make it as far as they did. It’s more cowardly to turn your back on someone who is hurting. But first, you have to recognize it. And the person who is hurting has to let you know that they hurt that much. I wish it were easier than that, but it isn’t.
Where does that leave us today? With people saying you should hug a friend? With little tribute icons and status updates? What would it take to really fix the problem? What would it take to end the pain for someone?
Rypien, Belak, Boogaard. Those were some incredibly powerful people. They weren’t taken from us. We let them slip away. We’re all just slipping away.
UPDATE: I feel like, from the comments I’ve gotten, I should clarify something.
I’m more than 20 years removed from that teenager who didn’t know if he could go on. Sometimes it feels like that was someone else. I still have depression, but it isn’t all the time. I feel good, and I feel bad. I am functional, and can manage it sometimes. Sometimes, I have a really hard time managing it. But I don’t feel like doing myself in. Somewhere out there, there is a solution. That I know. Until I find it, it’s still a struggle sometimes. Not all the time, but often enough.
Semyon Varlamov is now an Av. After making a lot of noise about going to the KHL, the Avs traded a first and second round pick for Varlamov, and the Capitals got out of a bind.
To Caps fans, the general sentiment on Varlamov is, don’t let the door hit you. It reminds me of how fast the Avalanche faithful turned on Budaj after his stellar season that almost shoehorned the Avs back into the playoffs in 2006-07, after Jose Theodore (who signed a two year deal with Florida) tanked. Then again, Budaj and his agent weren’t talking smack about the Avalanche either.
The knee-jerk reaction on twitter (which is where I go for my calm and well thought out analysis) is that the Avalanche overspent by a country mile on this deal. A first and a second is a lot to give up for what was essentially negotiating rights, and word is the 2012 draft is kind of deep. And the Avs faithful don’t think they will do much better next season than they did this season.
But then again, the Avalanche seem to be addressing some of their needs, regardless of the ‘rebuilding’ tag. They have a much bigger defense (Liles and Shattenkirk out, Johnson, O’Byrne, and Hejda in), and from the goaltending tandem of Budaj and Elliot, we have Varlamov and (insert someone here). It’s not like the Avalanche have been good at developing goalies anyways. Look at the time spent on Tyler Weiman, and he was shipped off. Vitaly Kolesnik didn’t get a legitimate shot,. And the Avalanche system was stocked with third and fourth goalie talent last season, and doesn’t look much more promising this season. At this point, if you were going to stick with Varlamov, and not go after Vokoun (which I am not convinced that the Avs are out of the Vokoun race yet), you might as well bring back Budaj (too late, 2 years with Montreal). If there isn’t anything worth using in the system, why not give up a pick for a guy who at least has NHL talent? If you can’t develop ‘em, buy ‘em.
It’s way to early to pass judgement on this deal. People think Varlamov is washed up, but what do the fans know? I’ll refer you to the fans in Boston who thought Tim Thomas was washed up a year after winning the Vezina. He had lost the starting job (and justifiably so) to Tukka Rask. One off-season hip surgery later, and he won the Stanley Cup, Conn Smythe, and his second Vezina. I don’t think Varlamov is going to do the same thing, but there is a lot of unknowns for those of us who are sitting behind our keyboards.
In the end, it’s going to be up to Varlamov as to how good this deal is for the Avalanche. If he plays his ass off, he will make those two draft picks less and less valuable for the Capitals. Since he signed a 2 year, $5.5 million contract, he’s with the Avs for the foreseeable future. I’m happy to sit back and see how it goes.
Besides, if the Avs can get this kind of thing from Varlamov, why not? Maybe the Avs can capture lightning in a bottle again.
On this flight, there is no sign of the tension below. Thousands of feet above the world, the only sports represented here are the University of Wyoming wrestling team, and my lacrosse jersey. You wouldn’t know that the greatest trophy in sports was going to be handed out tonight. I’m on an Air Canada flight to America. How fitting. But here, there is nothing.
There was always this promise of air travel, that it would take you from your life at home, and transport you somewhere else, away from your troubles and concerns. I’ve taken a lot of flights over the last decade and more, to places across the United States and Canada. The travel, it was a function, and most of it was fun. Now, it’s a burden. But today, it feels serene. It feels different.
I don’t fly as often as a hockey player must. Every away game means at least one flight. I used to fly at least every other week. I remember a few years ago walking up to the Au Bon Pain in the Atlanta airport, and finding the familiarity comforting. That’s a sign, isn’t it?
But here, on this flight, the tension is washed away. I can watch Johnny Depp play a ridiculous lizard on a small screen in the seat back in front of me. I can type away at my little tablet, and listen to the radio. And game seven? It doesn’t exist. For a moment, I had forgotten that it was even going to be played.
Tonight, after the Cup is handed out, as one set of fans become insufferable for one reason, and the other set of fans become insufferable for another, we will go on. Lebron James was kind enough to remind us that after the games, we common folk will still have our personal problems, and we can go back to our small lives. Which I think we will all be a little better off for.
I’m leaving behind, in Toronto, a temporary home. I never got the feeling I had the last time I was there. I never felt like I could make room in my life for that city. Much has changed there, and the direction it’s gone, either positive or negative, is arguable. It’s a matter of taste. As great as parts of the city are, there are parts I can do without. Every city is like that, but Toronto wore both on it’s sleeve this time.
I’m happy to be watching the game in Denver tonight. I talked about the new Canucks jerseys you saw everywhere in Toronto. It’s a different kind of bandwagon fan in Canada right now. I hate the term bandwagon, but I’m struggling to come up with a different term. The fans who just want to see Vancouver win to see the Cup in Canada. And really, am I any different, hoping for a Bruins win? I have more invested in being against Vancouver, but I’ve liked the Bruins for a while now, and Tim Thomas is…. well, he’s Tim Thomas.
Up here, 35,000 feet above Colorado, it doesn’t feel like game seven. It doesn’t register that fans – and friends – in distant places don’t like each other because of things they are wildly out of their control. Up here, you wouldn’t even know that the hopes and dreams of the players, things they have worked for their entire lives, will be summed up in one game, only a few hours long, and only a few hours away.
I can’t wait until we touch down.
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I wrote this post on my flight to Denver, and edited and posted it from Denver International Airport.
Last night, Chris Stewart got in a fight with Derek Dorsett, and as you can see from HockeyFights.com, he overwhelmingly was declared the victor. Heck, as you can see from the video, he was the victor:
And he did it all without breaking himself, much less his hand. While Avs fans wanted to wrap him in bubble wrap (and I was guilty of thinking that way a little bit), Stewart handled himself fine.
I think that fear came more from the overall makeup of the team, their overall disappointing play, and the shear number of injuries on the Avalanche. Is it reasonable to ask a player to change their nature because of the possibility of injuring themselves? Not in a case like this. Maybe when it comes to injuring other players, but to ask Stewart not to fight so as not to hurt himself after it happened only once? Seems kind of silly, doesn’t it?
I wanted to compile a list of some of my favorite trade deadline day tweets, just to share the love as an overview.
I kind of liked the first one better.
Hey, welcome to the new media landscape. Anyone else getting a little tired of this complaint from the MSM? They do a lot of work, I get that, but if you want to live in a bubble, get off the internet. Then see how things go for your career.
No kidding. Boring!
Joffrey Lupul tweeting his own trade? Tweeting his own Trade RUMOR?
(update below)
Yeah, I said it.
——————–
Lots of fake twitter accounts out there. Even some real MSMers were fooled by fake tweets and fake trades. Not that it matters. People have been paying for fake news and reading fake tweets for a long time (e4).
BizNasty was going to be the only single guy on the bench. Now he has to learn how to lay out lines of cocaine on the bench.
Ouch.
Things happen fast. I guess he should have talked to his co-workers?
I mean, jeez….
Oh, well. Alright then. Proving that the one thing twitter has to offer (immediacy) is also it’s greatest folly.
Because a trade of pizza would be more interesting than most of this trade deadline day.
Let’s not get crazy, here.
Still waiting….
Pretty much. Looking forward to that high draft pic? I am.
Well, I have to publish this thing some time. I’ll update if there is something else that tickles my fancy.
Update and correction: the Lupul rumor was started by @DownGoesBrown as a prank:
Which, frankly, makes it a lot less enjoyable. It’s the conundrum of the web. If you don’t follow the starting point, you miss part of it. Oh well, it was fun for a moment, now the shine is gone. Thanks to @cfCollision for ruining all the fun. 
I’ve been on a nostalgia kick lately for the hockey blogosphere of old. This isn’t to say that the current version is bad, but there are things I miss about the way things were, before blog networks and twitter (blog killer).
I was pruning my links in my blogroll, taking out some of the dead links and adding a few others, and clicked over to James Mirtle’s Big Blog Listing from several years ago. It was a list of blogs, big and small that Mirtle had compiled to point out other hockey blogs all over the blogosphere. Other attempts were made, including this gigantic list of links from the old Japer’s Rink site, but most of these lists went away pretty quickly. Even my own attempt to help promote new hockey blogs and podcasts didn’t gain much traction, and over half of the blogs listed have faded away, less than a year into their life.
What’s striking about these lists is how many blogs are no longer around. I’d say about a third of the blogs on Mirtle’s list are still in existence, with some of those moving on to join SB Nation and other blog networks. Hockey blogging is sometimes it’s own reward, but sometimes, that reward isn’t enough. And sometimes, life just gets in the way.
If I were to shut down Jerseys and Hockey Love, something I think about from time to time (let’s be honest, I don’t have the time to dedicate to this blog that I would like), after a brief period of time, no one would miss it. Not in the way many of us still pine for Jes Golbez’s Hockey Rants, or sidearm delivery.There are many solid hockey blogs out there to take up any slack I show on a regular basis.
The point is, it’s labor day today, and there are many hockey bloggers and podcasters out there that do this for free. They enhance our hockey lives by caring and devoting time to their craft. Most of them will never get paid for their work, and many will give up at some point when life gets in the way.
Take a minute to thank them for their work. Do something that takes a little effort on your part to tell them you appreciate what they do. Something a little more personal than a blanket follow friday mention, or a link. Sometimes, all it takes to make someone feel appreciated and to stay with it is to post a comment, or a tweet.
Hockey blogging and podcasting, much like pimpin’, ain’t easy.
That’s all. Enjoy your labor day.
Tomorrow, thirty twitter-sized team previews in one post. Oh yes, it will be done.
To quote a song from Consolidated, “Well, well, well, here we go go again.”
This blog is just past four years old, and for the life of Jerseys and Hockey Love, the issue of credentials for hockey bloggers has been kicked around and debated to the point of becoming stale. I started before there were big blog networks, before Fanhouse, before Puck Daddy, before Sports Blog Nation, and the Washington Capitals were just starting to allow bloggers into the press box. Not that this is a feather in my cap or anything, it’s just my personal point of reference.
Chances are, I don’t have to tell you about Eric McErlain and the excellent work he has done for other bloggers to help them get into the press box. If you haven’t read his draft of blogger guidelines for getting credentials, you really should. Read them, and then take another look at the date of that post. August, 2006. Four years ago, the fight for credibility was being fought by people who deserved to be there, and for people who would come later. And the fight continues.
Greg Wyshynski talked about a conference call that happened this week about the media and bloggers getting access to the locker rooms of teams who don’t credential bloggers. The gist of the issue, from Puck Daddy:
Yet several prominent NHL franchises, including the New York Rangers and Edmonton Oilers, have strict “no blogger” policies in their arenas. They don’t see them as working journalists, and they certainly don’t see a need for them to have access to cramped locker rooms after the game.
On Monday, these teams emphatically voiced those concerns during an annual preseason conference call between NHL executives and team media-relations directors. Their issue: If my team doesn’t credential bloggers in its home arena, why should bloggers haves access to my team’s locker room on the road?
Well, it is a good question. If the credentials are issued from the home team, then yes, I feel like a visiting team should respect the home team’s decisions in these matters. It seems simple enough. When any media is critical of a team, they should just realize that not every voice out there is going to be on your side. If an MSM reporter doesn’t write in a way the team wants to be represented, they don’t lose their credentials. As a professional courtesy, the same behavior that is displayed towards professional journalists should be extended to bloggers who are credentialed. If a blogger is expected to behave professionally when granted the privilege of press credentials, then they should be treated like a professional as well.
But not every blogger should be granted full access to teams. Hockey blogs are too often treated like they are a genre, and not a medium. The complaints range from not being journalistic enough (I’m proud not to be a journalist) to being too classless. But a quick tour shows that blogs vary in their voices and styles, and all it is easy to see the differences (as long as you are willing to make the effort or have an open mind). My blog isn’t like your blog, and even network blogs are different from one another (take a tour of the SB Nation blogs, and you will see what I mean). I don’t look or act like Deadspin, and I’m damn proud of that fact.
Being established and building a voice, style and reputation should count for something. You shouldn’t be asking for credentials if your blog is under six months old (and I’d even take that to a year). Teams know that the local newspaper isn’t going away overnight (mostly), and that if a beat writer leaves, the paper will have someone there soon to cover the job. Blogs come and go, and you can’t guarantee that one will last longer than half a season these days (I’ll save that rant for another day). It isn’t the job of the team to subsidize a blog with credentials (here, have a press pass and make something of yourself, kid). It isn’t easy to keep a blog going with little support, but establishing yourself should come before the credentials.
The journalism complaint is the one I hear the most, that blogs are mostly opinion, and not suitable for being granted credentials. In reality, the business of sports writing is merging the opinion side of things into the beat writing / straight reporting side. Look at the changes that have happened to newspapers, and the jobs their beat reporters have added to their workload. Do you know of many beat reporters that don’t contribute to a blog of some sort? And how much of that blogging is straight reporting? Opinion has been added to the job of beat reporter, and they still have the journalism aspect to satisfy (and usually do). As for straight opinion, newspaper columnists have had access to teams for years. I don’t know anyone who would say that Woody Paige is a reporter, but he can access teams as needed. He is a columnist, and he makes his bread and butter on his opinions about sports. But access isn’t a problem for him.
If I have a single issue with hockey blogs (and I do have a few, but I’m trying to keep it in context here), it’s a lack of editorial review. I mean this from a spelling and grammar standpoint, as well as for content. There is a lot of content out there that doesn’t get a second look before the publish button is pushed. Editorial keeps writing on target and quality high, and it helps address the issue of accountability. Editorial does not mean the mainstreaming of a blog, it doesn’t mean censorship, and it doesn’t mean stifling someone’s voice. For some reason, editing has gone away (hell, even rewriting has gone away), and it’s a bigger issue than most blogger recognize.
Cutting off all access to all blogs doesn’t solve the problem, though. When teams keep blogs at arms length, blogs start to get louder and more critical of the treatment. Blogs continue to cover the coverage, and produce speculation that may or may not be close to reality. When blogs are cut off, they aren’t able to report on the facts. They aren’t able to base their opinions on anything but the coverage they get (or lack of coverage). And as you could imagine, teams don’t appreciate that, and look at blogs with disdain again. The cycle continues. This part of the equation sits in the hands of the teams. They would also be charged with policing the credentials that are handed out, but the benefits should be obvious to them.
Here in Colorado, we have to contend with the closed media network of the Avalanche. The Avs are broadcast on their own cable station, Altitude. They control every aspect of how the team is covered there. Outside of that, Denver suffers from having only one newspaper, and one prominent hockey voice at that newspaper. Regardless of my feelings toward that coverage, not having a second newspaper in a city the size of Denver is an issue. Not having enough voices to challenge each other makes the lack of coverage even more complacent.
So should bloggers be allowed access to the teams? And really, should ‘new media outlets’ be allowed access (since podcasters are in on this as well). I think they should, but much like player contracts, clear guidelines should be set by each club, and maybe even reviewed by an outside party to make sure they are somewhat in the spirit of a free press, and not trying to control the media. Eric McErlain’s guidelines are a great place to start. From there, something can be built.
There’s a lot of discussion on this today. If you aren’t tired of it by now, you can see the various points of view from around the web from Justin at the Goalie Guild, Justin Bourne, Kevin DeLury, and more from Puck Daddy. I’m sure there is more out there, and I’m curious about what you think. This is just my opinion. What’s yours?
Update: Something I’ve thought about in the past, and was just talking about on Twitter, was that so many bloggers want into the NHL press box, but have no experience in a press box. If you were coming up in the ranks of broadcasting (or even an NHL team in just about any position, from player to coach, and refs as well), you would be cutting your teeth in the minors. Minor league teams need every bit of exposure they can garner. They have an appreciation for their fans that doesn’t scale to the NHL level. I realize that not every blogger can do this, but if I were in charge of handing out media credentials to bloggers, I would suggest spending a long weekend with a minor league affiliate, and see what that blogger produced. It isn’t cheap, it isn’t easy, but that’s how it goes. A guitar doesn’t come with a business plan, and neither does a blog. Sometimes, you have to work hard and make sacrifices along the way. Ask some of the professional hockey writers who are nice enough to give us some time. They can tell you.
This is a photo taken in Calgary of one of my favorite moments from the year (this was from the summer, before the season started) of hockey, watching the Canadian U-22 Women’s Team with Meg. From all the games I saw this season, this is a highlight. The photo was taken by a photographer for Hockey Canada, and posted on their site. Don’t tell them we aren’t Canadian.
I will post some sort of personal season recap in the next week or so. Of course, I’ve made promises before….
(photo was crowdsourced from Twitter, created by @KeithDotson. Thanks, Keith!)
For all the teasing and ribbing, all the bile and anger the fans have thrown, and all the pucks he has collected, Chris Pronger has been something no other player in the Stanley Cup Finals has consistently been: effective. Big hits and big elbows, the occasional post whistle jab mixed in with good positioning and minimizing the effectiveness of the top line from the Chicago Blackhawks, Pronger has been the focus of the Finals in a way usually reserved for Pittsburgh Penguins first round draft picks.
The focus on Pronger has been a boon to his teammates, who are almost invisible after the focus shift when number 20 takes to the ice. When it isn’t the media talking about the match ups, or the fans booing him for every puck possession, it’s the lines of the Blackhawks and when they play that are most affected by his presence. Pronger is owning the finals in a way only a goalie making up for the lackluster play of his team can.
Surprisingly ineffective has been Dustin Byfuglien. While everyone was waiting for Byfuglien to break out of his slump, Pronger was owning the head to head match up with a mixture of skill and pest-like antagonizing. It was the match up everyone was expecting and looking forward to, and it was being dominated by Chris Pronger.
That was, until game five.
Byfuglien finally found his game, along with the rest of his teammates, when Coach Quenneville finally returned to his own style and split up the lines, making the Flyers choose who they should match their defensemen against. That the split hadn’t occurred earlier in the series was shocking to anyone who has seen Coach Q behind the bench for a season.
Byfuglien came out swinging in game five, with two goals and two assists, but it was the big hit that had everyone talking.
Chatting with Jason Cohen on Twitter last night, I started to realize what it was about the hit that made it so significant. Jason wasn’t too impressed by the hit, and I can’t say that I blame him. The hit itself was fun to watch, but not exactly damaging. I’m sure the fans at the United Center didn’t want to see Pronger get up too quickly from the hit. But what the hit wasn’t in it’s violence, it certainly made up for in it’s significance.
Until then, Chris Pronger was a character, a villain who enjoyed playing the role. Not to diminish his effectiveness, but he was surrounded by a certain mythology we have seen before. He was unhittable, an unmovable force to be reckoned with. Much of that mythology had been earned from his previous play.
I liken it to Batman, the DC Comics character. Half of the reason Batman has the upper hand is the fear he instills in the bad guys he fights simply from being who he is. The mask, the darkness, his reputation, it all serves a purpose. He talks about it in the movies and everyone who writes the character references it at some point. It’s his most important tool. He wouldn’t be nearly as effective if he wore a jogging suit and went by the name Larry.
The impact of that hit took away the myth that was surrounding Pronger, and made him look more human. After game five, simply stepping on the ice will not be enough. Pronger will have to earn that mythology back. The post game quotes said it all. This was a person who was looking to scoop his reputation back up into his arms, carry it back to the hotel, and try to nurse it back to health. It was a hit that could have a lasting impact on the series. It’s something a team can rally behind.
Or, to put it another way, this quote from Iron Man 2, spoken by Mickey Rourke, sums things up nicely.
I believe those sharks will look a lot like the Blackhawks for the next two games.
Thus spoke Byfuglien.
